Evolution From Fear: Projected Suffering and the Spiritual Ladder
For a very long time I hunted nothing but my own demons. In myself, and in others. Always either making things wrong or imagining the ways that it could. Always feeling wrong, based on what was agreed as proper. In my practice I have learned that thought pattern to be anchoring. What I know now, from my confrontations with pain, is that giving it your attention only gives it more power. The mind energetically highlights whatever it focuses on. If it looks for wrong, it will find it. Because as sure as the balance of mother nature exists, the human mind contains the capabilities and necessities for both- ebb and flow, yin and yang, right and wrong.
It isn't to be said that we should not reach for the stars, or that we should be comfortable in our human nature's predetermined backwards habits. But a certain grace can be found in accepting the misstep, rolling with the punches, and coming back to center. A point of reference rooted from virtue and always reaching upwards, in our quest for peace through balance.
But there are times when we blind ourselves, and it's almost always when we are looking too hard. Even if it's while we are looking for that light of truth, that freedom of being. We tend to get the mind caught up in defining what things look like and how they should or shouldn't be; and as we climb that ladder, or traverse that mountain, we may be looking at the travelers along our path in that same light (or lack thereof). We may have our routes defined, our destination marked, and our travel methods strategized; but you will always find others with their own methods of transportation... The theramin plays as we begin to spiral out our limited perception's drawn conclusions. All we truly know is ourselves, or at least our experience of things, and that is all you can ever see in anyone else. We add or subtract based on what we think is missing. We may come from this place as we escalate- from a place of judgement limited by our past, weighed down by the lessons we have learned to make it to the present. And it is no surprise that over time we can lose sight of that fire that comes with taking the world head on- not defined by our experience of it, but by the possibility of what it could be.
So upon these epiphanies I have decided that life is a dance of right and wrong, of highs and lows, of feeling weak and being strong. And the DJ has got a song for anyone who can tune in to their own beat. And you must dance- like no one is watching, and like you are watching no one else. Because to let go is the only way to move up. To feel the fear of falling is the only way to rise.
You must know that the higher you go, the further you may fall. That fear will always be there beneath the surface. But you can either reach furtile ground and pitch up a tent, or you can continue to climb and weather the atmosphere. And as any climber knows, that focus cannot afford to be placed anywhere but upward. I've always made my practice more about love and/or fear than anything else. And I'd like to think that there are only a few things that I'm scared of. But for as long as I can engage my ujayi breath, I will reach for the direction of love and light. Even if I'm looking for it in the entirely wrong direction. Because all we can ever follow is our internal compass, our source from the divine, and the best we can do is try and keep it aligned.
om tat sat-
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